Anger

Today I got angry again.

Truth is, I really hate myself for holding things inside of me. Kebanyakannya tak bersebab dan kalau kau tanya kenapa aku rasa sekian sekian, aku pun taktau nak jawab.

Aku marah bila Fauzie sakit dan cakap nak tidur awal.

Aku marah bila aku nak balik weekend ni tapi kakak aku busy ada program. (dia offer untuk juggle between me and her works but I just dont. want.)

Aku marah bila patient aku terlepas ke tangan orang lain.

Aku marah bila aku tengok kuota Pedo aku sangat pathetic dan takde apa yang aku boleh buat.

Aku marah bila charger aku rosak, powerbank aku rosak dan duit aku pun rosak.

Sebenarnya aku sangat tau kelemahan aku. Aku cepat marah. Aku marah bila orang bagitau pasal perangai aku yang satu ni, mostly bukannya sebab aku in denial, tapi sebab aku seriously memang taktahu kenapa aku cepat marah dan aku marah bila aku marah.

Kakak aku dah banyak kali bagitau, I need to manage my anger. Fauzie cakap I need to manage my ego. He said I like to keep things to myself and not letting other people in. Aku cuma reply, aku dah biasa dengan cara ni. This is how I was raised. I wanna be strong like my mother.

"Saya tak cakap awak tak boleh jadi kuat macam ummi. Cuma awak kena faham. Ummi kuat disebabkan dia hidup dalam keadaan tu, dia kuat untuk anak-anak dia. Tapi awak bukan berada dalam situasi ummi."

Damn that was harsh. But it was a fact I refused to accept. Degilnya aku. Tapi dia masih tak putus asa dengan aku.

I'm really sorry for everything, everything from my actions that hurt people around me. A friend texted me saying sorry she thought I was angry at her. No, she was just the innocent trigger at the right time.

On a side note, seminggu tak jumpa Tuhan memang boleh kacau emosi kan.

Impromptu.

I wish I had a bunch of friends who are always excited for impromptu getaways.

It's been very hectic and packed scheduled as how final year should be. Sometimes I just wanna go to the beach, walk slowly, looking at whats happening around me, and take some time to think. Some time to appreciate the nature.

Go makan, go movies, go enjoy delicious food.

Problem is I got no company. Wish Fauzie is here. But Allah dah jawab doa aku untuk jauhkan drpd maksiat so He puts Fauzie away from me hence jumpa setahun sekali sudahlahhhhh miyn dont ask lebih-lebih.

Actually... I wish I'm home.

2014 Interbatch Culturals

Assalamualaikum :)

This weekend I finally had the opportunity to wake up a bit later than usual (being a female with the blessing by Allah for the time off solahs is amazing!). Last week I was so busy I couldnt wait for the it to end quick.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I joined the dancing competition this year. Since the competition was on Thursday, we practised quite hard starting from Tuesday itself. And bear in mind jadual semua orang tak sama. Some were stuck with their seminar presentation, some had competency test, some had electives. Phewwww final year is really testing our endurance.

Petang Khamis tu, Alhamdulillah my malay teammates yg semuanya 1 practical group (kecuali Fana) ada SDL oral surgery so we went to Jusco for a last minute accessories hunting. God was testing me by giving me massive flu on that day. Fuhhh!

Tak tipu memang aku mengantuk sungguh lepas makan cetirizine. Orang lain boleh rileks function lepas makan that pills but not me. I was feeling very dizzy and I might dozed off any minute. Before the dance, I didnt feel nervous at all sebab dlm hati memang tunggu time nak balik tido je. But, it turned out so well! All our lecturers (dental la of course ehem ehem) praised our dance because we were the only group yang buat unity dance ; Malay, Chinese, Indians, Nyonya, Ibans and finally all dance together. The feeling that I got on stage was unforgettable, apetah lagi tengok Dr Bashir joget sama dengan kitorang hahahahha. And I loved it that everyone clapped so hard for us. Mula2 ingatkan tak dapat sambutan sebab kitorang je yg lain dari yg lain but hoyeah they all loved it! Berbaloi sangat rasa practise berminggu-minggu :)) I love all my dancing teammates! We secured 3rd place by the way, hooray!

That night Myra and I mix beras for our rangoli on Friday. Rasa kesian kat diorang sebab sebenarnya aku yang beria nak masuk and I begged them to join it with me since they have the magical artistic hands, but they were sooooo cooperative and Pah came out with a beautiful morning glory rangoli for us.

There were a total of 5 BDS groups for rangoli, with 1 group being all boys ; ada TY, Kern Wern and Silk. Then ada group DJ+Yati+Ainsya, Chen Wei+Chien Ying+Jewel, lastly Nish+Bhai+Rachel. We literally conquered the other half of the hall. The time allocated was 1 hour and seriously I tel you it was not enough!!!! Our hands were shaking like hell. Dahla first time masuk takda experience so memang lembab gila nak siapkan. But we tried our best and I'm really proud of the final result. Dr Koshy said ours look Malay-ish and not like the other groups'. Aku macam nak cakap, that the whole point, sir but....I just said, "We are Malays anyway.." hehehehe.

Our group was 7th out of 9. But I'm happy as the 1st and 2nd places were secured by BDS groups as well, yeayyy! Rangoli was fun weiiiii rugi siapa tak masuk. Sedih la kenapa aku tak masuk sejak tahun lepaih kalau dak sure dah ada experience sikit. By the way kalau ada juniors baca ni and u guys plan to join rangoli next year, please tell me, I have a lot of rangoli powder that are unused. Please take them from me, sayang lah nak buang...


p/s : I dont plan to post any pictures in my blog, so if u wanna see my pictures (I basically share my clinical works and daily activities), do follow my instagram okay (@miynamin) . If I tak approve u can always leave me a direct message since I'm being selective nowadays sebab banyak pulak patients aku nak follow kt ig mana depa jumpa entah huhu.

Bye for now :)

Prostho Competency Test

Assalamualaikum :)

Yesterday, or should I say last weekend was a hectic one for me. I spent Saturday and Sunday to go searching for materials for my dancing competition and also rangoli. Ended up eating at Brother John and SimplyFish kopitiam (yeay!) walaupun tak berapa nak kaya but....my tummy needed that to make it happy, no?

And not to forget, I was still in the middle of finalising my Prostho seminar, and I had competency test for border moulding procedure both on Monday. So Sunday was a very very very stressful day for me.

Tapi kannnn, esok masa seminar, it was actually very easy. Dr Prashanti wasnt there because she had to be involved in the implant program, and Dr Abhishek and Dr Kiran didnt ask much questions. So I was quite happy :D

Masa competency test petang tu, aku agak sedih jugak tetibe tengok aku dapat dental chair demo tu, yang luaihhhh gila tuuuuu. Depan sekali pulak. Pastu depan semua takda orang. Pastu tengok2 ada a few dental chair belakang2 rosak so diorang transfer pergi depan and I was relieved hehe.

Auntie Marry came quite early so I started checking the tray extension inside her mouth. Bila panggil Dr Prashanti untuk confirmkan, she found a new epulis fissuratum inside the patient's mouth.

"This is not ethical. You cannot do competency test on this patient.."

"But maam, you were the one who approved this patient.."

"Yeah, but I'm sure it wasnt there. Knowing myself, I wouldnt approved such case"

Dr Prashanti has such bright eyes. This is not the first time she saw something other people couldnt. I really look up to her. Bila tengok, memang epulis tu baru ada.

So, she asked me to exclude that part and do border moulding on other areas. Secondary impression pun takpayah buat. Hooray?

Patutnya auntie tu kena undergo minor surgery tapi dia takuit la pulak. I will pujuk her until she comes :D

Esok insyaAllah I will perform another flap surgery. Aku buat masa pagi sebab kalau petang juniors 4th year pun ada clinic and usually mood lecturers sangat baik masa tak ramai orang. Of course la kan sebab tak berapa serabut. Hopefully everything will be fine and fast! :S

Patutnya buat laser tapi...bilik OT maybe guna untuk implant. Sobs.

Blessings.

Assalamualaikum :)

Today I had a patient who came to replace his Class IV composite restoration.

Sebenarnya first time dia datang dulu nak scaling je. Tapi 2 gigi depan dia ada caries dekat incisal edge tu. Gigi lain semua perfect. So, I told him that he needed to restore that teeth to look more handsome when he smiled.

Seriously la aku cakap macam tu. You have to care for the people around you because they might not realise it.

"What the mind doesnt know, the eyes cannot see"

He's in medical batch by the way. Sebab tu la aku buat macam kawan je huahua. He's a decent well-mannered Chinese guy, one batch under me.

After a week, he complained of chipped off restoration on one of the teeth. So I called him during my General Dental Practice to redo it.

After a week, again, it chipped off. Aduhai. Aku dah risau dah sebab I might caused him to be in pain. Exposed dentin kan.

I consulted Dr Alok regarding the issue dan dia cakap ;

"Have you checked the patient's occlusion?...Hmm, seee. Just call me when the patient comes okay? I'm not in charge during GDP but I can come. Thats what a teacher should do..."

So just now I called him. He told me that it might be because of inadequate isolation during restoration. Lepas dia ajar apa aku patut buat (selalu sangat belajar benda baru dengan beliau rasa macam nak nangis), I said,

"Sir, thank you, for willing to come here..." *dengan muka comel*

He said, "You can put your thanks in your pockets now. Dont thank me, I might redeem it for something later"

Hahaha. He is such a blessing sent by Allah to us. Really really thankful for having him here.

And the patient pulak, selalu cakap sorry sebab susahkan aku. Aiyo, he's also a gift to me. Selain baik, cooperative dan punctual, he just helped me to fill 4 quotas for Class IV restorations :p

Tahun ni Alhamdulillah, Allah tolong banyak sangat. Aku selalu doa, tolonglah hantarkan aku patient yg membenarkan aku buat treatment dekat dia dgn senang hati, yg bagi aku belajar dengan rela hati, dlm masa sama lembutkan hati lecturers untuk ajar aku.

So far, semua patients aku baik sangat2. Harapnya sampai habis final year akan dapat patients baik-baik je :)

Assalamualaikum :)

Today I'm so happy because I've done ortho case discussion and presentation. Fuhhhh! Rasa macam hilang 78kg beban di bahu yang aku tanggung sebulan. Reason being is, I kind of dislike ortho (not hate). But harini aku suka sebab Dr Reenu.

She just proved that there's hope left in Orthodontics for me to actually enjoy the posting. She made it fun, santai, tak stressful, and she always smiled :) love love! So whats left is for me to do the appliance and deliver it to my patient, yeahooo!

Petang pulak aku join Pedo practical group C because I'll be missing the class on Monday sebab ambil exam kan. Aku happy jugak sebab dah siap sampai tooth preparation and dapat signature, yeahuuu again! But the lab works never end though. Belum trim cantik2 cast crown patient, cast ortho patient. Pulak tu tadi malapetaka berlaku di mana wire aku patah masa aku tengah polish appliance aku. Dahla due date kena submit esok.

Lepas tu masuk dalam plaster room, rasa geram tengok sampah sarap banyak sangat. Geram dengan maknusia yang boleh tinggalkan mangkuk berisi plaster of paris tanpa basuh lepas guna, biarkan plaster atas meja, biar alginate impression kering dalam impression trays, biarkan chamber semak.

How can these people exist? How can u become a semak person?

So, I left the room and went back to the hostel to find some peace. Only benda ni je tak kasi aku happy.

Final Year Hectic Life.

Assalamualaikum :)

I'm supposed to have prostho competency test tomorrow, but the Auntie decided to go to KL so, I wont be having mine, instead I will have it on Monday.

Despressed gila sebenarnya tadi. Tapi fikir balik, aku sebenarnya dah drained out la these few days. A lot of things are happening around me so maybe bagus jugak rehat kejap malam ni. Malam ni je la.

Tadi classmate aku cakap, "you know, I think we are sooo busy during the class hours because most of the things we need to do in the lab. But once we go back, we are very free, right? Nothing to do.."

I was like, seriouslyyyyyyyyyyyyy??

Let me tell you apabenda la yang bagi aku rasa busy sangat macam seorang wakil rakyat nak dekat pilihanraya.

1) Orthodontic appliance aku tak siap lagi. Sikit lagi nak siap la. Kene polish. Tapi due date dia lusa. Kalau tak, nanti cikgu taknak bagi attendance untuk posting. Huahua. Masa yang ada untuk aku buat benda ni cumalah daripada pukul 5-6 petang. Itupun lab akan sentiasa penuh dengan maknusia.

2) Dance practise. Gatai sangat nak join. Alasan kononnya ni final year. Tapi takpe sebab aku enjoy buat tarian 1 Malaysia dengan classmates pelbagai kaum aku. Practice session will be at 7.30-10.30pm untuk malam-malam tertentu.

3) Seminar. Dengan takdir Ilahi, walaupun ada 5 subjek dan sepatutnya rotate every subject and every individual, aku dapat 4 subjek semuanya turn depan-depan. Next week aku akan habis seminar keempat aku. Ada orang geram sebab depa tak start 1 apa lagi seminar huahua. Memang serious penat pastu asyik muka aku ja naik mini stage depan kelas tu but mungkin ni cara Allah nak tolong aku so that nak dekat exam nanti takyah la dok risau pasal seminar dah.

4) Surgery. Aku cuma nak cerita yang aku buat impaction surgery dekat adik aku semalam hihi. Syahdu aku nak hantaq dia balik KL sebab dia tak cukup rest lagi kan tapi aku dah bagi dia makan aiskrim and bungkuskan bubur nasik. Dah belikan painkiller, bagi emcee semua so should be okay. Plus murah ja kot kalau aku buat. I dont like part kena keluarkan gigi tu. Geram bila dia bergolek-golek dalam bone tapi taknak keluar. But I'm proud of myself of whatever that I had achieved yesterday.

5) Competency test. Kitorang ada prostho competency test untuk border moulding, untuk surveying procedure, dan jugak untuk design removable partial denture. Ada competency test untuk surgery jugak. Pedo pun ada tapi sebab aku tak mencapai target kuota lagi so turn aku entah la bila. Test kalau setakat baca je takpa. Ni kena cari patient, kena prepare cast, dalam masa sama ada benda kena buat untuk ongoing patients lagi. So dekat lab tu memang ada macam 2-3 benda kena buat sampai pening dah nak start dengan mana satu.

6) Crown. Alhamdulillah setelah 2 kali patient yang aku request untuk crown gagal datang (Depa asyik lupa nak mai ja pasaipa tatau pastu lagi sorang tu hilang tanpa kesan), akhirnya tadi a nice cute auntie came to become my very first crown patient. Comel yang amat. Crown ni banyak jugak procedure dia. Masa datang kena buat examination and diagnosis, then present case and discuss dgn lecturer. Lepas tu ambil impression. In between appointments kena buat mock preparation on the cast, dptkan approval cikgu, lepas tu lengkapkan borang E&D tadi, make sure tau semua jenis procedures yang kita akan buat sebab agak banyak barang dan materials yg diperlukan masa procedures tu. Dahla dental punya barang banyak yg kita kena pandai manipulate, kalau tak dia akan set (keras), ataupun messy, dan menggagalkan semua procedures pastu kena buat lain. As a human normal la kalau 1 hari tu students semua panggil patients, lepas tu bila cikgu nak tolong kita, barang pulak tak lengkap, silap buat pulak tu, dia pun jadi emosi la dan serabut pastu nanti tak pepasal kena marah.

7) Ortho. Alhamdulillah walaupun aku cuma ada 1 je patient untuk ortho treatment, aku syukur sebab dia comel dan baik and very cooperative. The downside is dia budak medic and dia cuma boleh datang on khamis or jumaat je. So, lambat sikit la proses aku nak complete kan case dia. We need at least 5 cases, and have to complete 1 case. Aku harap aku boleh complete case dia ni sebab cuma minor teeth movement je yang diperlukan. Sesapa nak cantikkan gigi dengan harga murah bolehla jadi patient aku :D

8) Flap surgery. Alhamdulillah aku ada patient yang perlukan flap surgery for all quadrants in her mouth. Walaupun aku tak minat sangat buat surgery sebab cepat lenguh tangan dan nanti body aku jadi panas semacam bila aku terlalu cuba nak fokus mata aku, but Im thankful for the opportunity to learn from her. So far dah buat 1 quadrant and it was fun. Next, doktor aku cakap nak bagi try buat laser and patient dah agree. We'll see :D

What I could see in this final year is, clinical works sangat banyak. Lepas clinic habis, pergi lab. Lepas tu balik rasa penat sangat sebab penat berjalan berlari seharian. Pastu ngantuk. Pastu tak cukup masa nak study untuk clinical procedures, apatah lagi theory. Kalau ada seminar, masa akan spend buat slides. If ada test, baca untuk viva pulak. Sometimes bila balik bilik dan rasa penat, aku akan fikir, apela aku buat harini sampai nak bukak mata pun tak boleh...huhu.

oh. My dance competition will be next week. Then aku join ranggoli jugak for fun. Basically next week jadual aku penuh dengan test, seminar, competition, surgery. Tapi bagus jugak busy. Barulah belajar nak hargai masa lapang sikit :)

#Abang Zul kahwin Ahad ni! (abg zul tu lab technician kitorang. We're giving him a television!!)

Human flaws.

I realised that I lied most of the time. Kadang bila ada isu jadi, orang mintak maaf because they knew they were wrong, I simply said, " aku tak kisah pun." When I cared actually. I lied because they said sorry anyway, kenapa perlu kita panjangkan isu kan?

I know I still hold the issue in me when the feeling that was there when the incident happened keeps coming back whenever I remember it. For example, aku marahkan A. Lepas tu aku cakap aku tak kisah dekat A. Tapi 10 tahun kemudian bila aku ingat kan balik kejadian tu, aku still rasa marah.

Maksudnya aku masih belum ikhlas dan redha dengan insiden tu sebenarnya.

I always opt to keep everything inside, selama mungkin untuk tak sakitkan hati sesiapa atau hati sendiri. Aku tau aku explode bila tiba-tiba aku boleh menangis. Macam satu kejadian ni bilamana sorang cikgu aku selalu tangguh-tangguh nak sign folder patients dan logbook aku, dan pada 1 hari, bila aku dah usung folder patient depan dia, dia pegang pen dan sesaat kemudian dia cakap, "Sorry I cannot sign now because I'm having a flu".

Aku punyala marah..on the way nak pergi balik chair aku untuk letak file, aku terjumpak Fana, pastu terus air mata aku mengalir sebab aku seriously marah rasa macam nak robohkan 1 bangunan tu.

Tapi sekarang aku dah boleh gelakkan balik insiden tu, maksudnya aku dah ikhlaskan apa yang terjadi dan aku dah maafkan pun cikgu tu.

Harini aku sedih lagi. Because I'm hungry. Lalu aku recall balik insiden haritu yang bilamana aku cakap aku mengidam nak makan nasik lemak, aku ajak orang teman...diorang cakap awal lagi. Ended up tak makan langsung. Cakap sorry. Aku cakap aku tak kisah. Walhal aku sedih yang amat.

It saddened me a lot bila orang bagi excuse dah makan biskut, dah makan roti, malas nak tukar baju etc, and not thinking about accompanying their friends. Kecuali sesetengah orang. I dont know, it's just my thought. Dan aku sedih sebab Dawa dah kahwin. Kalau tak, dialah yang selalu teman aku makan at random times, dan kalau dia mesej ajak makan pun, I'll always try to make time for her. She might be the ones yang akan buat macam tu untuk semua orang, while me, aku cuma buat mcm tu dengan orang yang aku tau akan buat benda sama, sebab aku masih belajar untuk ikhlaskan perbuatan aku.

Which explains kenapa aku prefer to be alone sometimes. It's easier to lie to myself than lying to other people.

Benda yang buat kita marah, sedih ni sebenarnya bukanlah benda tu semata. For example orang tak ajak aku makan tu. Huahua, I actually am so stressed out sebab banyak perkara lain, so benda tu cumalah trigger. Macam dalam newspaper tu, kalau ada berita, "suami pukul isteri kejut sahur"....bukanlah sebab isteri dia kejut sahur pun, tapi sebab dia ada banyak sangat masalah dan time isteri dia kejut sahur tu malangnya ialah trigger untuk dia explode kan semua benda dalam hati dia.

So today I was alone in my room. I had no one to text with except my family. And knowing me; selalu nak appear kuat dan tabah, I dont tell my problems to them much sebab taknak nampak lemah dan lembik. Ended up aku hypoglycemic sebab aku cuma makan biskut dan minum kopi (tapi memang aku tak lapar masalahnya). Hujan tadi so takboleh nak drive sebab kereta aku heater dia rosak. Alhamdulillah abah baru bank in duit so aku mampu nak order Dominos pizza sebelum aku pengsan sebab kekurangan gula.

Banyaknya nikmat Allah bagi. Apelah guna nak sedih sebab maknusia kan.

Nampaknya dah lama aku tak practice apa aku belajar dekat The Amazing Goal Praying workshop tu. Huhu, last ialah masa aku tolong ok kan sakit kepala kawan aku. Then masa aku cuba lawan mengantuk dalam kelas.

Do you know banyak masalah kita boleh selesaikan bila kita berbalik kepada Allah? Bukan dengan ubat. Bukan dengan dengar lagu. Bukan dengan bersendirian. Tapi dengan mengingati bahawa Allah lah yang memungkinkan semua ni jadi dekat kita.

Redhakan. Ikhlaskan. Pasrahkan :)

Okay.

Petang tadi practical Prostho. So, setiap group ditugaskan untuk buat cast untuk setiap seorang guna typhodont teeth yang dah di'prepared'. Group aku paling last, so harini lah kitorang buat.

Since hari ni hari Sabtu (kelas ganti deepavali), tiba-tiba walaupun dah pukul 2.15pm, lab still sunyi dan pilu. Mentang-mentang harini lab technician je akan supervise kitorang. Semua amek kesempatannnn kannn :S

Haritu kitorang ada competency test untuk crown preparation. So, typhodont set yang ada kat kitorang semua nya tak lengkap. Untuk memudahkan kerja, aku dengan DJ, kitorang sort out sendiri bagi lengkapkan 1 set. Bukak skru, Skru gigi baru.

Tiba-tiba Mr S mai, dia macam kelam kelibut suruh bukak gigi, amek gigi tu, simpan gigi ni. Basically semua orang tetibe jadi confused. Dahlah ada wax pattern kitorang buat yang belum dapat approval lecturer lagi. Dia kata takpe takpe buat je lahhhh apa dia cakap.

Otomatik mood aku berubah. Dalam keadaan takpaham, aku amek tempat aku, dan aku duduk dalam keadaan muka serupa tahi. Bila orang tanya soalan, aku cakap, aku buat je walaupun aku takpaham sebab aku malas nak tanya banyak. Dengan ada lagi seorang ni mai lambat pastu buat blurr blurrr eh kena buat apa eh ape korang buat ni arghhhh I couldnt handle it at that time. Geram.

Until Rachel suddenly asked, "Miyn, are you okay?"

I guess tu first time she saw the other side of me. And usually kan kita rasa geram betul bila kita tengah tak okay tapi orang tanya hang ok ka tak. During that situation, aku macam kena tamparan realiti sekejap.

I felt ashamed that I showed the ugly side of me. In fact Im ashamed to have that in me. Sangat lah senang bertukar mood. Apasal la susah sangat nak bertenang sikit, bersabar sikit (Walaupun aku memang anti situasi kalut kalut yang sebenarnya boleh cool je. aku kan dah cakap aku tak suka orang buat benda bagi complicated).

To cut the story short, Mr S ni pulak jenis nakai. Dalam lab main calit plaster la. Nak suap alginate dalam mulut aku la. Renjis ayaq. Bla bla bla. Dia taktau ke aku geram lagi dengan dia. Annoyed jugak sebenarnya kalau kena kacau banyak kali sangat, but I'm gonna be needing his help anyway, so layan je la kan. Guys mature later than us ladies, so....hehe.

My point is, sometimes we tend to get irritated with some people at some point of life. Benci bila receptionist buat endah tak endah. Benci bila dental assistant lambat buat kerja. Benci itu. Benci ini. But thats not the reason for us to be rude.

Setengah orang rasa dia sangat bos, dia main arah-arah je orang tu buat kerja (walaupun tu mmg kerja dia) tanpa ambil kira orang tu tua ke, sebaya mak ayah kita ke, sebaya abang kita ke. Thats not our culture. You dont wanna be hated at your work environment. You need help. YOU CANT DO YOUR JOB ALONE. And you need to make sure those people are happy to help you, bukan tolong kau dengan perasaan menyampah.

Berlakon lah. Berlakon untuk berkelakuan baik bukanlah hipokrit. Kalau hari-hari kau berlakon insyaAllah kau takpayah berlakon dah suatu hari nanti.

Rindu.

Allah.

Tak sangka aku dah melanggari janji sendiri untuk tulis blog. Ingatkan dah nak kena lelong dah blog ni (mcm laku smacam la pulak), rupanya boleh sambung tulis lagi yeayyy!!!

Was reading through my few latest posts. God I forgot most of events I wrote actually. That shows how important for me to continue writing! KAN?? Agree? Ah whatever.

I dont plan on what to write so lets just with an issue of mine.

I AM A COMPLICATED PERSON.

AND I DONT LIKE COMPLICATED THINGS.

Complicated things ? - they are subjective. Might be complicated to you but not to me.

Slowly, slowly aku makin benci dengan kualiti diri aku yang satu ni. Usually cepat rasa nak marah bila sesuatu complicated berlaku.

Thats why sometimes aku rasa taknak angkat phone bila Fauzie call. Usually perangai complicated aku berlaku di situ jugak dan tak boleh diundur kembali. Kalau mesej at least boleh jugak aku bertenang dan berfikir lalu reply mesej dengan sesopan yang mungkin. Untunglah beliau sangat sabar. Sampai bila aku pun tak tahu. Semoga dia sabar dengan ikhlas dan bukannya sebab terpaksa.

Just now ada someone tanya, di manakah stesen komuter di tbs. Berapa lama nak pergi situ? I answered dengan sgt malasnya ; go and figure or u can google it up.

Gila menyampahkan betul perangai miyn. Lepas tu aku diselubungi perasaan bersalah sepanjang malam. Good girl.

Pernah aku bertanya kpd Allah, Ya Allah kenapa makin lama aku makin teruk ni? Isu dalaman makin parah. And then something just occured to me ; hang ni tak cukup baca Quran ni sebab tu makin menjadi-jadi masalah hati hang. Maybe.

Kunci ketenangan adalah dengan mengingati Allah.

So, thats all. I've made my conclusion.