It was 6.30 pm on a hot Sunday when I heard my phone ringing. I was still half-awake when Ummi asked,
"Dah dengar news ke? Mak Fauzie dah takde."
"Ohhhh..."
I didnt know what to feel. Despite knowing that he was in deep misery, I had the gut to upset him more by being immature, last night. I knew I was gonna regret it. But I let my ego wins.
I cried, without Ummi knowing. I cried, because I couldnt imagine how Fauzie is taking everything in. He lost his father during his 2nd year. And in his final year, he lost his mother. And he was in India when he lost both of them.
I never cried because of someone else's pain. I didnt know why I cried this time. Maybe it's because I always waited for the day to come, when I can finally say to his mom ; "If I were to have a son, I would want him to become just like Fauzie..."
Allah tak izinkan aku jumpak Mak. Still, He let me skyped with her twice, and spoke via phone a few times. I'm still sad, because I never had the chance to meet her personally, and I knew she would never know how I look like. She was blind, because of her diabetes.
Above all, the main reason I'm sad is, I'm sad on behalf of him. Beratnya ujian yang Allah bagi dekat Mohd Fauzie.
I'm thankful, because Ummi was deeply concerned about him. She kept on calling me, asking if she could go and visit the family. Katanya, dia teringat suara Mak, ajak melawat pergi Terengganu. Mak banyak kali cakap nak call Ummi, bincang pasal Fauzie dan aku. Tapi, nampaknya tak sempat langsung.
Mak was a lucky woman. Tak semua orang berpeluang ada anak sebaik Fauzie. I'm not saying this because I love him. But these are the reasons why I appreciate his presence in my life.
We dont communicate everyday. And when he's at his lowest point, he didnt find me. He would search for God. One day, Mak masuk hospital, and I lost him for a few days, until his roommates texted me via Facebook, saying he was worried about Fauzie because he had been crying and reading Quran all day. His roommate is a Tao. (Taoism). I was relieved, because I know he's safe in God's hands.
When he went back home, he would become the Imam to his mom, reciting Quran for her. His life revolved around taking care of his mom, making use of the days left. And when I text him when I'm at home, he would ask me to go help Ummi, and stop texting him. Susah nak cari lelaki yang tau hormat anak dara orang, tau letakkan diri dia kat mana, that he's inferior than my parents, my time doesnt belong to him...everything is just the way that I want my anak gadis to be respected and treated later. And that, came from a good upbringing from his parents.
While I'm typing this, we still havent communicate. If Ummi didnt call me, I wouldnt have known at all. Semoga Allah tempatkan Mak dalam kalangan orang yang soleh. She went through a lot. It's time for her to finally rest.
#8February2015
