EE , Mrs J and My Mom

I have been very emotional these days. I mean, during the nights. When I am in front of my laptop, trying hard to brainstorm the isi-isi for my extended essay, I'll end up reading people blogs to find some idea but surprisingly it's not the idea that comes out. It's tears.

Just now, I read Mrs J's blog. And this time the same thing happened. The hard situation she is facing right now, and for some reason I couldnt explain, cause my emotion to change drastically. It's as if someone whom i always look up to is no longer there.

Mrs J is someone who reminds me of my mom. They have the same age, the same dressing style, the same thoughts, the same 'mouth', the same profession, and even the same place of study.

But Mrs J is more to someone who I would like my mom to be; joyful all the time and so full of energy that everyone around her can feel it. There is never a moment that I feel like giving up studying her subject as I used to feel with other subjects. Coz she makes u feel like your future is her future too. I dont know how to explain this, but that's what I feel.

So, whenever I got low mark in her subject, I feel like I'm disappointing my mom. Coz my mom cant tolerate bad scores. But now, as she gets older, she seems like she's leaving everything to me. She doesnt nag anymore about my bad results. She just let me decides what I think is the best for me. She is now letting me to make my own decision on everything coz she knows that im a big girl already. But to be honest, i dont like it. The same feeling I felt when she asked me to register in KMS with my father. For the first time, she was not there to send me to a new school, to see the environment im going to live in for the next 2 years.

Reading Mrs J's latest post, is like listening to my mom talking about what she used to feel back then when I was living with her. And thinking that she's alone in the house right now, with nobody to talk to when she gets bored, makes my tear gland works faster.

It's bad enough to know that my mom is not living her life to the fullest at home, since her children are all away from her. I don't want Mrs J to be in the same situation as well. Even though I just knew her for 1 and a half year, it's enough to say that, her words are the main reason why i can still tolerate the chaotic situation here.

EE is to be submitted tomorrow. But I have no mood in writing even one word anymore. And I need to ensure I'm awake and fresh in the class tomorrow so that I wont hurt Mrs J's feeling, just like I'm taking a good care of my mom's feeling. At least, Mrs J makes me think of my mom. And that's the best thing I could do for her right now.

To have her in my mind all the time.